Climate Change Insanity: NOAA Study Claims Chocolate Will Become Extinct by 2050

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by Chris Black

If you’re a chocolate lover like most of normal people out there, boy, do we have bad news for you: according to an official (as in governmental) report courtesy of NOOA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association), due to anthropogenic (as in man-made) climate change/global warming/whatchamacallit, by the year 2050 chocolate will become a thing of the past. Why? Well, due to climate change driven by your gas guzzler, your air conditioner, your latest iPhone or whatever, growing cacao trees will become next to impossible in the not-so-distant future, hence chocolate will suffer the fate of the dodo bird. That means, it will become extinct. Gone. Forever. And ever.
Unfortunately, this is not a joke, but a taxpayer funded so-called study which is aimed at scaring the masses of sheeple into embracing Al Gore’s theory about catastrophic climate change due to, well, our lavish life-styles or whatever. Basically, if you want your children to have chocolate 30 years from now, you’d better start believing what our Lord and Savior, the inventor of internet (that’s Al Gore), has to say.
The so-called report produced by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association is trying to convince us that climate change, which happens since immemorial times (remember the ice ages, the Medieval Warm Period etc), is now driven by our CO2 emissions, not by the Sun, and, horribile dictu, the latest victim of the industrial era is now the poor cacao tree, which will be incapable of surviving a dramatic change in global temperatures, thatis definitely going to happen thirty years from now. And you can take that claim to the bank, as usual, when it comes to environmentalist-driven alarmism. It’s going to happen, just like the Polar ice caps melted, as per Al Gore’s claims 9 years ago. The thing about cacao trees is that they only flourish in specific areas of the world, within twenty degrees of the equator, i.e. in rain-forest regions with rich soil and high humidity.
The NOOA report suggests that man-driven climate change is going to impact (negatively, of course, by making them less humid) these regions, thus rendering cacao trees extinct in just one generation from now on. Obviously, there’s a solution to this problem: gene editing, i.e. GMO cacao. In other words, the Hegelian dialectic at play by the usual suspects: Problem (anthropogenic climate change), Reaction (climate alarmism) Solution (GMO). Now, it’s pretty obvious that these so called scientists cannot predict the Earth’s climate 20 years from now. They cannot even predict (accurately) the weather 2 weeks from now for a specific region. Taxpayer funded NOAA needs to get out of the climate alarmism business (with an emphasis on business). Not one of their catastrophic predictions have come true. Each and everyone of their future climate predictions has been based on manipulated and cherry picked data and flawed computer models. They don’t even get one right by accident every once in a while. All things being equal (and I am not a “scientist”), I believe that if “climate change” will make the world hotter by 2050 (like it was during the Medieval Optimum), cocoa will be grown in more places, not fewer.
In the 70s we were all going to die by 2000 from global cooling ( incoming ice-age). Then, Al Gore said there would be no snow in 2010, like forever.  The only thing that has changed during my lifetime is education into indoctrination.

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9 thoughts on “Climate Change Insanity: NOAA Study Claims Chocolate Will Become Extinct by 2050

  1. Sadly, chocolate is at risk as early as 2030: When the new mini ice age starts, cacao will be at risk — cacao plants don’t like the cold too much.

  2. First of all it’s National Oceanic and Atmospheric ADMINISTRATION, not Association. Second, it’s NOAA, not NOOA. Third, you’re right–you’re not a scientist, and what’s more you’re barely literate. Just give it up while you’re ahead.

  3. “The NOAA report suggests that man-driven climate change is going to impact … ”
    Would someone please tell me What the Feck “climate change” is?
    It is semantic GARBAGE fed us by GARBAGE Politicians attempting to mulct hundreds of TRILLIONS in indirect taxes from this poor world. If you promise to cut off the left gonad of each politician advocating “Global Warming” and dip them in Chocolate, I promise to eat more than my share.

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