by SacredFireFly

You heard it here first.

• Apple is sitting on the biggest mountain of offshore cash since Scrooge Mcduck divorced Minnie Mouse
• Orange Tariff Man and Tim Apple are discussing the preferential treatment they’ll get for bringing that money back
• Zero marketing or organic growth required, the customers already exist
• The next step in tech is taking over every aspect of the consumer’s life (AMZN, GOOG etc are already waging war for this privilege)
• Banks literally print money. As long as you have customers, you make money. It’s the second best business model ever, behind casinos
• Warren Big Dick Buffett bought a small country’s gdp worth of $AAPL. He’s not betting on the iPhone 72 being a major commercial hit in a couple years. He knows something big
• Have you seen their new silicon valley office? It’s like a damn military compound. Either they have vaults under the ground there or it’s one big human experimentation lab

Apple wallet and the apple credit card are only the beginning. Soon your iPortfolio will be managed by an iBroker who had to close your long WeWork position early to make your iMortgage payment.

TL;DR: all-in long expiry $AAPL calls.

Disclaimer: Consult your financial professional before making any investment decision.