Earlier in the day, FBI Director, James Comey, made a public statement exonerating Hillary Clinton in the email scandal. Later that afternoon, several FBI agents got together in the break room of the J. Edgar Hoover Building in Washington D.C. They are visibly upset. They can hardly contain their anger and struggle to keep their voices down.
FBI Agent # 1: I can’t believe that Comey rolled on us. I knew all along he was a snake in the woodpile. He shocked all of us with his bullshit statement this morning. Several agents puked as they watched his performance. We collected enough evidence to convict Mother Theresa, but the powers that be kept telling us we needed to build more of a case as though we couldn’t find our ass with both hands and a map. Now, I know why. The fix was in from the jump.
FBI Agent # 2: Sure, it was. Every time we briefed Comey and the prosecutors, it was obvious there would never be enough evidence to satisfy them. Comey remained non-committal every step of the way. He acted as though he wasn’t one of us. You could sense he was trying to read the political tea leaves. As it turns out, saving his job mattered more to him than the mountains of evidence we found during our investigation.
FBI Agent # 3: In retrospect, we should have known that Comey would make his move today. Comey cratered only three days after the Justice Department lawyers interviewed Clinton, one week after her stupid husband met with the Attorney General, and just hours before Obama and Hillary were scheduled to appear together at a campaign rally in North Carolina. Comey’s timing speaks volumes. He was a useful stooge for the White House and the Democratic Party.
FBI Agent # 1: It’s unheard of to interview a target of a year’s long investigation and then exonerate that person only three days later. Normally, it takes weeks, if not months, to compare the transcript of a target’s interview with the transcripts of other witnesses to determine if there are discrepancies or inconsistencies. That wasn’t done in this case, which means Clinton’s interview was simply for show. Notice that they held the interview with Clinton right in the middle of the long July 4th weekend when most people weren’t paying attention. These prosecutors have no respect for the public. Even the village idiot can see right through their little charade. No wonder why Americans are so cynical of government officials. They used to respect the FBI, but we can kiss that notion goodbye after today. And for good reason.
FBI Agent # 2: I’ve been an FBI agent since the Nixon Administration. I know what a proper investigation looks like and this one was anything but proper. I remember when the Nixon White House and Nixon’s Attorney General, John Mitchell, tried to stonewall us and threaten us, but we stood firm. We had Nixon by the balls and he knew enough to resign or be forced out of office. What he did was a bungled Keystone Cops caper compared to what Clinton pulled off.
FBI Agent # 3: If the public only knew a fraction of what we found out during this investigation, they would be blown away. It would be pitchfork time in the streets. The public and media are focused on the Clinton’s unsecured private email server and how every bit of her email correspondence was exposed to hackers over the internet. But it’s the charity fraud that took place at the Clinton Foundation that would really make their heads spin. I still can’t believe the mega-bucks they hauled in, using the Clinton Foundation as a front. Only a small fraction of the money donated to the Foundation ever made its way to those in need. The rest lined the pockets of the Clintons and their cronies at the Foundation.
FBI Agent # 1: That’s the part that really bothers me — some clever, well-connected politicians cloaking themselves in the mantle of a charitable enterprise and using it as a cover so they could steal donations. It’s racketeering as its very worse and should be prosecuted as such. These douche bags are fouling our air mass with their continued respiration.
FBI Agent # 2: Just about everyone on the FBI Clinton investigation team was pissed off that we were being stiff-armed by career prosecutors and party hacks at the Justice Department. They didn’t even attempt to hide their disdain for us when we presented the damning evidence we gathered. I heard one of the prosecutors say under his breath that we are politically tone deaf — that we don’t get it.
FBI Agent # 3: We get it perfectly. It couldn’t be clearer. If it were a mule, it would kick our brains out. They wanted us to back off and stand down. Apparently, we grunts didn’t seem to understand the implications of indicting Clinton. What part of “presumptive Democratic Party nominee for President of the U.S.” didn’t we understand? It was beyond having a political tin ear; the very thought was unconscionable. At the end of the day, Comey got it. The rest of us didn’t. Therefore, I guess we are dumber than a box of hammers.
FBI Agent # 1: The thing that sticks in my craw is Hillary Clinton’s dismissive attitude when she was asked about the ongoing FBI investigation into her emails. She laughed it off as being a tempest in a teapot that will eventually show she did nothing inappropriate. I can see her arrogant face now as she cackled off any insinuation of impropriety on her part. She knew the fix is in. Several months from now, she could be our boss. How is that for adding insult to injury? Scotty, beam me out of here.
FBI Agent # 2: Her sneering attitude really frosts my balls when everybody here knows exactly what she did. She’s guilty as sin and should have been hooked up months ago. Instead, we had over 100 agents following all kinds of leads and tying them all together into one big indictment on multiple criminal counts. In fact, we had ironclad evidence months ago to have put the matter before a grand jury. The result would be foregone conclusion. The only remaining decision would be whether to cuff her in public or have her surrender voluntarily to the authorities. But we didn’t count on Comey throwing us under the bus.
FBI Agent # 3: Hillary Clinton could become Madame President and an un-indicted felon at the same time. You can’t make this stuff up.
FBI Agent # 1: We were told to back down in the Lois Lerner IRS case against our will. So, Comey assumed we would react like trained seals and would do the same in the Clinton case, especially when there was so much more at stake. We didn’t get the message, so he knifed us in the back instead.
FBI Agent # 2: The party hacks, including Lynch and Obama, got restless with Comey’s dithering. He needed to shit or get off the pot. So he made his decision without consulting us. He shit on us and on the scales of Lady Justice.
FBI Agent # 3: The cover-up is always worse than the crime, which is saying a lot in this case. We have one of the biggest cover-ups in American history going on in real time and its magnitude is breathtaking in its scope. These politicians better hope the truth never sees the light of day or there will be hell to pay. I didn’t dodge bullets in Nam so that scumbag politicians can make a mockery of our justice system. Let’s hope evil destroys itself as it usually does and that justice is ultimately served.
After they leave the break room, the three FBI agents hang their heads in shame as they head back to their cubicles, wondering what the hell they are doing there.