Trump Enters History Books, Orders Pentagon to Establish a Space Force

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by Chris Black

Motto: the Empire Strikes Out

President Trump announced on Monday during a press conference that he is aiming at creating a Space Force as soon as possible, and he already ordered the Pentagon to “make it so”. Obviously, service guarantees citizenship, to quote from a famous sci-fi movie from the 90s. The US Space Force would make for an independent service branch and I bet dollars for donuts that today, June the 19th, 2018 will become famous in the future as the day when the US Intergalactic Space Force was created, and all that jazz.

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Joke aside, President Trump has said on Monday that, just as he hinted previously, when it comes to defending America, there are no borders (pun intended) and space is the final frontier. Build that wall and everything:

Would you like to learn more? Keep reading, here’s the POTUS and his immortal words:

“We must have American dominance in space. Very importantly, I am hereby directing the Department of Defense and Pentagon to immediately begin the process necessary to establish a Space Force as the Sixth Branch of the Armed Forces. Our destiny beyond the Earth is not only a matter of national identity but a matter of national security,”

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There’s a small caveat to that, i.e. the Congress would have to approve of God Emperor’s plan before it could go on. And it’s important to remember that the same Congress have in the past put the kibosh on similar (some may say nutty) ideas, to create a Space Corps respectively. However, in that day and age, the Donald was not the God Emperor that he is today, but a humble real estate mogul billionaire.

Previously to today’s historic announcement, the Donald boasted that he’s planning to relaunch America into space, literally, i.e. to revive the world’s once greatest space program, which, a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, made a lot of kids very happy while watching astronauts landing on the Moon on TV. Trump promised to “retake” the Moon as soon as possible, and probably build some cool resorts and golf courses there, in the Sea of Tranquility somewhere, and also to send a manned mission to Mars, the bringer of War. Now, the question that must be asked, and probably answered in a timely fashion, is that if the US Space Force will still use Soviet-era designed rocket engines, just like it’s the case as I am writing this piece.

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In case you didn’t know, there’s an interesting thing called the Outer Space Treaty, an international (not inter galactic, mind you) treaty of sorts that specifically forbids the weaponization of space. Also, for my non-millennial readers, there’s a thing called Posse Comitatus, and nobody seems to care about it much anymore, hence the Outer Space Treaty would present no significant problem when (not if) the God Emperor will decide to build America’s first Death Star, most probably with Chinese and Mexican contractors. Sorry, but sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, and the real world seems to overlap with my favorite sci-fi movies.

And always remember kids: Cuius est solum, eius est usque ad coelum et ad inferos. Which, for anybody who needs help like I do, is Latin for “whoever’s is the soil, it is theirs all the way to Heaven and all the way to Hell”. With an emphasis to the latter.

Now, if you ask me, why not call it a Multi-Dimensional Space Time Continuum Force? Why are we limiting this force to just space? We could be sending killer AI machines back in time someday soon.


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