by John Ward
In not very important news, Canadian nutjob pc liberal Kathleen Wynne has the support of just one in five Ontarians, proof positive that her delusionally Groupthink fascist policies have really resonated with the electorate; equally Canadian person Mark Carney has kept UK rates on hold because his earlier feeling that rates should now steadily rise was wrong; 78-year old Ray McGovern, ex-CIA analyst and respected commentator, was detained, thrown to the ground and handcuffed by police for protesting the confirmation of former Miss Whiplash Torture Queen Gina Haspel as head of the CIA; and an entirely peaceful rally for Freedom of Speech in the UK was ignored by most of the MSM, but slammed by the Left as “the hard Right abusing free speech”.
But all this5 was as nothing compared to Three Men and an Aeroplane meet Mr and Mrs Potus, the new release from White House Productions.
- And now, over to our Washington correspondent waiting for the arrival of a very large aeroplane with three passengers on it. What are the latest developments over there, Mandy?
- Well Danziel, it’s very dark and a little bit chilly but I can confirm the three passengers have now landed.
- Right, and what’s your take on the cold darkness situation Mandy?
- It’s three o’clock in the morning Danziel.
- Well there you have it viewers…..Washington is of course seven hours behind us because the Earth is rotating. Has this had an effect on the landing procedures Mandy?
- Not as far as I know Danziel, no…the landing was perfectly normal, and so very soon now we are expecting the President and First Lady to walk out across the tarmac to greet the three passengers from Damascus personally.
- I say, great Scott, so we’re actually watching history being made live…
- Yes that’s right Danziel, as it happens. This is not a reconstruction, we are actually going to see Mr and Mrs Trump come out to express their solidarity with three US citizens who were flying back from North Korea when they stopped over at Damascus Airport just in time to have the shit bombed out of them by missiles that inexplicably went off course and hit the main airfield rather than the chemical weapons factory there….
- Ah yes, well, I’d imagine heads will roll because of that, Mandy.
- They probably will Danziel, although latest reports from Tel Aviv suggest that the missiles came from an Israeli training exercise which went tragically wrong…
- In what way, Mandy?
- They were aiming for the Iranian bases and missed, Danziel.
- Oh dear, I suppose we must hope that doesn’t overshadow this truly historic occasion coming to us now as it actually happens…
- Yes indeed Danziel, and hang on a second….yes, two figures are now walking across the tarmac there and yes, if I can just interpret here for a few seconds, the male person wearing a thick overcoat and a toupée is the President….
- Is he wearing anything under the overcoat Mandy?
- I’ll get back to you on that Danziel, but I can confirm that he is wearing nothing under the toupée, and the tall female person with much bigger hair is Mrs Trump, the First Lady…
- So, not a prostitute then?
- No Danziel, it’s definitely his wife, and he has a firm grip on her hand..
- Not her…
- Danziel, for fuck’s sake grow up, this is important.
- So give us an update on where this is going, Mandy…
- Well, the Presidential couple are heading towards the steps leading up to the plane.
- And what’s your take on their next move?
- They’re going to climb the steps, Danziel.
- And what then?
- Well, don’t bet the farm on this or anything, but I’d say it’s looking very much like they’re going to enter the plane and meet the passengers…and yes, they’re climbing the steps now with very Presidential confidence, and….that’s an entry confirmation, because the cabin door has opened….
- They’re entering a cabin? I thought you said it was a plane?
- It’s a technical term commonly used in aeronautics , Danziel.
- OK, thanks for clarifying that Mandy. I can see in fact that both people have ducked sufficiently to get through the doorway….but now we can’t see them at all.
- That’s quite normal, Danziel. Nothing to be concerned about.
- Phew, well viewers, you can see the enormous value of having someone well-informed on the spot when big news stories are breaking…..but we’re going through the Time keyhole now to catch up with Mark Carney’s news conference on Bank of England rates….