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by Trained Noticer

I wrote this in 2013. It still seems accurate…

Declaration of Dependence
by Trained Noticer, 2013

When in the Course of sitting on our fat butts watching the fables of the Ministry of Propaganda on TV, it becomes necessary for us, the dumb masses, to embrace the political bands which have connected us with our government, and to accept the government as the powers of the earth, deny the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitles us…, uh, we realize that… uh we, um, well… we don’t give a crap. Just send us our checks, our food stamp cards, and our TV Guides.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that of the general populace, most men, AND women, AND trans-genders, are created somewhat relatively equal. We are endowed by our Government with certain alienable privileges, granted and denied at the behest of the Government, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness as regulated by the Almighty Government. –That to secure, deny, and regulate these privileges, Governments are instituted over the people, deriving their unjust powers by governmental decree, laws, regulations, and Executive orders.

The history of the present government of the United States is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations which we willingly accept, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States and people, which we also embrace. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

We will not protect ourselves, family, friends, and property against confiscation or unlawful regulation.
We will allow any laws and regulations to be passed and enforced on us without resistance.
We will believe all of the storylines and fables presented to us by the mainstream media.
We will ridicule and reject any citizen who questions the official story as a “conspiracy theorist”.
We will hand over our children to the government for programming and drugging.
We will give blood and DNA samples any time.
We will submit our bodies to terahertz wave radiation, groping and molestation by the TSA.
We will seek out all vaccinations promoted by the government or drug companies.
We will give up our firearms to be safe, and at least submit to registration and tracking..
We will open our doors for any government “inspection” or survey.
We will lay low and keep quiet so as not to be a target of government.
We will allow NSA surveillance and storing of all of our phone calls, communications and data.
We will allow Smart meters on our homes for surveillance and control of our electrical power.
We will allow and support the Militarization of our local police and Sherriff’s departments.
We will buy from the biggest corporations, because bigger is better.
We will eat fast food, processed food, and GMO products.
We will never believe that the government could be behind any false flag attack or incident.
We will support drone strikes on “bad guys”, across the world and in the USA.
We will support wars and interventions against others for our protection.
We will never question or understand the fraudulent, unlawful Federal Reserve System.
We will ridicule and refute any alternative methods of medical treatment.
We will not grow our own food, and obstruct and persecute those who do.
We will believe without question all numbers, data, and statistics provided by any governmental agency.
We will vote, if at all, using the corrupt electronic black box voting system, and never question results.
We will allow the progress of Agenda 21, and ignore its very existence.
We will allow the government to “disappear” anyone, at any time, for any reason for my safety.
We will focus on nonsense Reality shows, Sports, and self-indulgence rather than our loss of liberty.
We will be offended by any little thing said by others, while we scream, “That’s RACIST!”
We will allow the government to force us to buy terrible health insurance at absurd cost.
We will support a corrupt and unlawful administrative court system.

We, therefore, the members of the generally uninterested and uninformed populace, appealing to the Government, do solemnly publish and declare, that WE are, and of a Right ought to be Fully and completely dependent on the government for all of our information, entertainment, food, housing, rights, privileges, welfare , safety, protection, healthcare, and General well-being. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection and benevolence of our government, we mutually pledge to receive all benefits from someone else’s labors, Lives, Fortunes, and Sacred Honor, as redistributed by the government.


This is the original from 1776:

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America
When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.




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