Ex-FBI Director James Comey’s Statement Exonerating Hillary Clinton – Revised to Reflect an Alternate Reality

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by LV

On July 5, 2016 former FBI Director James Comey delivered a nationally televised announcement in which he exonerated Hillary Clinton of any illegal behavior regarding the handling of classified information on her private email server and mobile devices.
The FBI’s official transcript of Comey’s statement can be seen here: www.fbi.gov/news/pressrel/press-releases/statement-by-fbi-director-james-b-comey-on-the-investigation-of-secretary-hillary-clinton2019s-use-of-a-personal-e-mail-system
Let’s take a fresh look at excerpts from Comey’s statement in light of recent reports that he had prepared drafts of his statement as early as March 2016 before witnesses, including Clinton, were interviewed by the FBI.
After each excerpt (in quotes) is a satirical translation (in italics) to indicate how a skeptic might interpret Comey’s words in retrospect.
“First, I am going to include more detail about our process than I ordinarily would, because I think the American people deserve those details in a case of intense public interest.”
First, I am going to provide a sketchy overview of a tiny portion of what FBI investigators found during their probe in the Clinton matter.  Detailed evidentiary records will be withheld from the public in perpetuity and any attempt to seek this information will be stonewalled in the finest Nixonian tradition.
“Second, I have not coordinated or reviewed this statement in any way with the Department of Justice or any other part of the government. They do not know what I am about to say.”
Second, I would be lying if I said I did not coordinate this statement months ago with my superiors in the Department of Justice and the White House as well as trusted associates within the Bureau. This precaution on my part should forestall any and all groundless accusations that the outcome of the investigation was a foregone conclusion or that I and my colleagues conspired to obstruct justice, even if it appears that way.
“I want to start by thanking the FBI employees who did remarkable work in this case.”
I hope FBI rank-and-file agents will forgive me for rendering the fruits of their hard work unrecognizable and drawing a conclusion that is unsupported by mounds of incriminating evidence they uncovered.  Fortunately, our agents know that there is a political component to their work and that it is necessary at times to gloss over inconvenient facts.  They also understand that certain powerful politicians must be afforded a wide degree of latitude in the application of the law.  In other words, hard evidence alone is insufficient when dealing with the politicians who run our government.  The concept of equal justice under the law is malleable in this regard.  Hence, I trust that FBI agents, in their professional wisdom, will abide the delicate elasticity I am applying to the Clinton matter.
“Consistent with our counterintelligence responsibilities, we have also investigated to determine whether there is evidence of computer intrusion in connection with the personal e-mail server by any foreign power, or other hostile actors.”
We investigated whether Secretary Clinton’s personal email server may have been breached by a foreign power or other hostile actors and couldn’t completely rule out that possibility.  At the same time, we did not consider the destruction of evidence by Secretary Clinton or her associates in the form of bleach-bit cleansing or hammer blows to be a violent breach and obliteration of subpoenaed evidence.  
“The lawyers doing the sorting for Secretary Clinton in 2014 did not individually read the content of all of her e-mails, as we did for those available to us; instead, they relied on header information and used search terms to try to find all work-related e-mails among the reportedly more than 60,000 total e-mails remaining on Secretary Clinton’s personal system in 2014. It is highly likely their search terms missed some work-related e-mails, and that we later found them, for example, in the mailboxes of other officials or in the slack space of a server.”
Secretary Clinton and her associates failed to preserve subpoenaed files and records, all of which are considered official government records; instead, they deliberately destroyed approximately 30,000 emails, claiming the files were personal and unrelated to government business.  Who can fault Secretary Clinton and her friends for taking such measures to ensure her privacy?  By all accounts, emails relating to government business were carefully and honestly identified and furnished to law enforcement authorities.  Except for a few minor irregularities, there is no reason to suspect that any of the deleted emails were anything other than personal in nature.
“Although we did not find clear evidence that Secretary Clinton or her colleagues intended to violate laws governing the handling of classified information, there is evidence that they were extremely careless in their handling of very sensitive, highly classified information.”
Although we did not find clear evidence that Secretary Clinton or her colleagues intended to violate laws governing the handling of classified information, there is evidence that they were grossly negligent in their handling of very sensitive, highly classified information.
“Although there is evidence of potential violations of the statutes regarding the handling of classified information, our judgment is that no reasonable prosecutor would bring such a case.”
Almost any prosecutor who can fog a mirror would bring charges in this case based on the overwhelming evidence uncovered by FBI investigators, but that prosecutor would be politically tone-deaf if he did so.
“In looking back at our investigations into mishandling or removal of classified information, we cannot find a case that would support bringing criminal charges on these facts.”
Although there are a number of individuals that have been charged, convicted and incarcerated for much less, those individuals do not have Secretary Clinton’s political power and connections.  It’s that simple. Extenuating circumstances dictate that Secretary Clinton be absolved of any wrongdoing that could possibly have legal consequences.  To do otherwise would be tantamount to political malpractice on my part.
“What I can assure the American people is that this investigation was done competently, honestly, and independently. No outside influence of any kind was brought to bear.”
What I can assure the American people is that this investigation is over, as far as I’m concerned.  I am relieved that the intense political pressure to clear Secretary Clinton is now behind me.   I apologize to Secretary Clinton for the baseless accusations that were unfairly lodged against her.  Our exhaustive probe into this matter not only exonerates Secretary Clinton but confirms her reputation as a selfless public servant of unassailable integrity.
You be the judge.  Does the revised version of Comey’s remarks appear closer to the truth?  If so, what does that say about our justice system and law enforcement officials, who are sworn to uphold the Constitution?

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13 thoughts on “Ex-FBI Director James Comey’s Statement Exonerating Hillary Clinton – Revised to Reflect an Alternate Reality

    • You can’t make this stuff up. Mac, Are you out of Irma’s reach? The collapse seems to be picking up a lot of speed. Take care and God bless.

      • Yup, I’m in Kentucky, but be prayin for ALL those people adversely affected by this weather for the last couple weeks. Thanks for askin and G-d bles you too.
        http://www.kentuckychief.org for US Senate, Kentucky, 2020, Ditch da MItch
        No BANKSTER, PoliTick, Judge, Crony Corporate Fascist or Traitor too Big to JAIL or Impeach!

        • Happy to hear your off the coast. We left our small city 4 years ago, and are near the mountains of Maine . The financial collapse seems full steam on corse. We are praying for everyone. The time of sorrows seems upon us. You stay safe. May God put His hand of protection upon you.

          • Thanks Sista. Whatever happens Never renounce Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and NEVER take the mark of da Beast!

          • I believe the Mark will be mandatory for medical care. Then THEY will make it optional to use as a credit card that has an inplanted chip in you. THEN it will be mandatory to buy or sell. I will not TAKE it for medical care. I will die first, lose my life and hopefully save my soul!

          • They can’t wait to start implanting us with a chip. Medical care will become mandatory and my husband and I will not be chipped for any reason. We avoid medical and treat ourselfs with natural medicines. The evil insanity of our govt. can only be explained by Satan infecting their bodies and souls. I was born in 1951, don’t even recognize America any longer. It’s a toilet and I feel ashamed. In the parable of the fig tree our Bible warns us this is the last generation as Israel became a nation in 1948. We have been watching signs carefully since 9-11. Over 20 years ago I had to take a loved family member off life support after 8 days of praying. God came upon me. I couldn’t see him but oh my could I feel him and wonderful does not describe it. I held my loved one for over an hour while they passed and God was right with me. The nurse wasn’t feeling everything I was but she knew something she had never witnessed in her 22 year career was going on. I was a weak Christian but became a strong Christian after my experience. Twenty months ago I had a dream vision. I’ve never had this type of experience before. I was looking down on earth from space. It looked beautiful. I had a little concern asking myself why am I up here? How can I be breathing? Why am I not frozen? Then I saw the nuclear missiles arching high in the sky. Too many hundreds or thousands I don’t know. I saw them hit earth and I had a little concern, thinking oh no, no one can live not even those in bunkers. Then I saw the earth shatter as if made of glass. The shards flew into space and dissolved into tiny particles of nothing. I then awoke and heard God say, my hand is on your house. Most powerful experience I’ve ever had. I think I saw God destroy His earth. Back 20 months ago we weren’t nearly as close to a nuclear war as now and I’ve never been very afraid of it having lived through the Kennedy years. God is all powerful and God is in control. He created us for His good pleasure and many of us will make it through this final storm. He will lead you and guide you every step of the way Mac. I don’t know why I’ve shared this with you as I’ve only told my husband, a son, and two others. Guess God wanted you to know.

          • Thanks for sharing. I was born in 1953 and THEY have transformed America from a G-d worshiping Nation blessed by G-d to a Satanic black hole which we will most likely receive the wrath of G-d. If Cali, NYC and/or Yellowstone have MAJOR earthquakes or blows, then I’d say End Times is on full sped.
            I died twice in 2010 and have definitely changed my outlook. Of course current events are hard to ignore.
            I believer that since the Donkeys, Obama, Clinton and Soros have made Israel’s position very tenuous through their Arab Spring and American Jews still support them, 85%. I believe Satan is utilizing them to eradicate Israel, Israel retaliates with the Sampson Option and the ME and who knows what else is wiped clean.
            The BANKSTERS move in and rebuild Jerusalem and make it the center for World Government, Finance and rebuild the TEMPLE for Satan’s Beast’s 42 month rule of the NWO and Islam as the forced religion of the Beast. It ALL fits. Why else are the Elites destroying. America and Western Civilization and importing Muslims by the millions?
            You and your family stay strong. End Times will test ALL of our strengths!
            Check out my site: http://www.kentuckychief,org for US Senate, Kentucky, 2020, Ditch da Mitch!
            No BANKSTER, PoliTick, Judge, Crony Corporate Fascist or Traitor too Big to JAIL or Impeach!

          • Here’s a good article on zero hedge this morning you should read. Paul Craig Roberts Rages at Americans Laughing all the way to Armageddon. I think God has sent out His strong delusion America and Europe are zombiefied.

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