NEW YORK, NY—Fox News executives reportedly called an emergency meeting Tuesday morning amid a controversy involving old, offensive comments made by star political pundit Tucker Carlson.
According to insiders, leaders of the news organization are “extremely worried” over the possibility of losing the far left demographic that is threatening to boycott the channel.
“We’re seeing a lot of extreme leftists calling for a station boycott, and we’re starting to worry we might lose them,” said one panicked executive. “Does anyone have any ideas as to how we can woo these libtards back?”
One exec suggested declaring the station a “safe space” from bigotry and misogyny but was asked to leave the room. Another piped up and suggested making up more fake news stories. “They all watch CNN, so they seem to like that kind of thing,” he said, though it was pointed out that Fox News already makes up nearly as many stories as CNN does.
“Avocado toast!” another person shouted suddenly. When no one responded, he shrugged. “I dunno, weird millennials and Demoncrats like it, I guess? Maybe we could give some away or make a trail of breadcrumbs leading to the station or something? Worth thinking about.”
At publishing time, Fox News executives had settled on disguising Tucker Carlson as Che Guevara for a few weeks.