The five stages of pandemic

by peckx063

Stage 1: Denial.

It’s just the flu.

Most people don’t get sick.

If you’re not old you’ll be fine.

It’s media hype.

It’s attacking Trump.

Don’t look at your 401k for 6 months.

Now is an excellent time to buy DIS.

Don’t worry in 2 weeks this will all be over and we can finally go back to Chili’s.

Stage 2: Anger

WTF what is happening?

WTF why can’t I go to the Charlotte Hornets basketball game?

WTF why isn’t the government doing anything?

WTF where are all the tests?

WTF why is this guy standing so close to me?

WTF why is my sick co-worker still coming in?

WTF what am I supposed to do with my kids?

WTF I have kids?

Most of the country is either in stage 1 or stage 2. Deniers are causing the bounces and the occasional green days while WTFers are sending the market spiraling downwards.

Stage 3: Bargaining

Hey let’s not go to concerts or sporting events and it’ll be fine.

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Hey let’s cut interest rates and it’ll be fine.

Hey let’s not go to restaurants and it’ll be fine.

Hey let’s not go to school and it’ll be fine.

Hey let’s do a stimulus package and it’ll be fine.

Everyone who has graduated to stage 3 is trying in vain to put band-aids on bullet holes, thinking any of these solutions are enough to stymie the virus. They’ll dilute themselves into believing it might work, and powered by the retardo brains still back in Stage 1, they’ll continue to cause momentary and untenable bounces as we continue this slide into depression. But it won’t take long at all.

Stage 4: Depression

We’re out of retarded ideas now.

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Nothing to do but watch it go down, down, down.

No more bargains. Less and less people in denial. Every day is red. Red after red after red. No bounces.

Dow at 17k? No. Dow at 15k? No. Dow at 12k? Maybe.

Nobody calls it coronavirus anymore. It’s just “the virus”.

Activity grinds to a halt. No optimism. Rock bottom.

Stage 5: Acceptance

We’ll finally accept our new gay bear reality.

We’ll adapt to life with the virus.

We’ll start making rational decisions again.

There will be an occasional grizzly bear mauling.

We’ll slowly turn society back on and build the economy back up, as we continue to manage isolated pockets of outbreak. But very, very slowly.



Disclaimer: This is a guest post and it doesn’t represent the views of IWB.