U.S. Justice Department Prosecutors Laugh Off the FBI’s Clinton Email Probe

It’s late Friday afternoon and several U.S. Justice Department attorneys repair to the Blackfinn Saloon, the power elites’ favorite watering hole in Washington D.C.  When they arrive, they are escorted to a private room, where they can discuss business without fear of any pain-in-the-ass eavesdroppers.  But, unbeknownst to them, there is a fly on the wall, who has his antennas tuned in.

After ordering a round of drinks, the federal prosecutors recount the week’s most pressing order of business at the Justice Department, which once again involved the Hillary Clinton email scandal.

Prosecutor # 1: The FBI keeps badgering us to convene a grand jury so they can present mountains of evidence they have gathered in the Clinton matter.  We keep putting them off, but they come back with even more incriminating evidence.  The use of an unsecured private server is the least of Clinton’s problems.  The amount of proof the FBI dredged up about the Clinton Foundation and the blatant solicitation and acceptance of donations and speaking fees in exchange for government favors is mindboggling.

Prosecutor # 2: Yeah, it’s almost comical how often we have to tell them that we don’t consider the evidence dispositive.  It’s hard to keep a straight face when we say to them that we don’t believe we can win a case against Clinton in a court of law based on the damning evidence that they have shown us.

Prosecutor # 3: Now the FBI is rolling up witnesses, like Bryan Pagliano, who are filling in the blanks on how the private email system was setup and how it operated so long below the radar.  I can’t believe Hillary laughs off the FBI investigation when it’s brought up on the campaign trail.  If the public knew a fraction of what we know, it would be pitchfork time in the streets.

Prosecutor # 1: Fortunately, we have more sense than the G-men at the FBI.  Those boy scouts are politically tone-deaf.  We, on the other hand, know which side our bread is buttered on.  If they think we are gonna kill the goose that lays the golden egg, they’re crazy.  The White House staff has made it crystal clear through their body English and none too subtle remarks that we are to stand down. Under no circumstances will there be a Clinton prosecution during the remainder of President Obama’s time in office.  Obama is counting on Hillary to protect his legacy, which is all he’s worried about at this point.

Prosecutor # 2:  Besides, Clinton could be our next boss.  And she is one vindictive bitch.  As soon as she is sworn in, she will wipe the Justice Department clean of any idiots who had the nerve to consider pressing charges against her.

Prosecutor # 3: And the FBI will suffer the most.  Their budget will be cut and heads will roll.

Prosecutor # 1: The FBI should have learned from the Lois Lerner investigation.  Sure, Lerner should have been indicted.  The FBI found all her emails, the same way they found of all of Clinton’s emails, including the ones she thought she deleted.  The White House made it known that there would be no silly indictment of Lerner.  The same imperative applies to the Clinton case, but much more so, considering the stakes. Unless someone is caught on tape committing a crime, it is a time-honored tradition to give that person a pass, if he or she is loyal to the political party in power.  That’s just the way it is, whether you like it or not.

Prosecutor # 2: For Chrissakes, Lerner took the Fifth on national TV.  And for good reason, she was on a clumsy mission to frustrate conservative groups by auditing their applications for tax-exemption.  The evidence against her was more than overwhelming; it was airtight.  It took a couple of years to get the FBI to back down, but ultimately they did so and no charges were ever brought against her.

Prosecutor # 3: The FBI backed down, but they didn’t forget.  Now they are on a crusade, and they are using the Clinton case to even the score.  Fortunately for them, and bad news for us, is that they have solid evidence against Clinton.  The shit they gathered is so explosive, it will make heads spin. You can’t make up half the stuff they found.  It’s no wonder why Clinton didn’t want anyone to find out what she was up to when she was Secretary of State.

Prosecutor # 1: And it’s our job to make sure it never sees the light of day.

Prosecutor # 2: The FBI keeps throwing our indictment of General Petraeus in our face, saying it pales in comparison to what Clinton did.  Petraeus shared classified information with his girlfriend, but he didn’t fight the charges when he got caught.  He took his medicine out of a sense of military honor and copped to a misdemeanor.

Prosecutor # 3: Unfortunately, the Petraeus matter happened before the Clinton email scandal surfaced.  Clinton has way more juice politically than Petraeus ever had and she isn’t about to cop to any criminal offense.  And we aren’t about to level any charges against her.  We have that discretion and we intend to use it.  What the public doesn’t know won’t hurt them.  They’ll simply chalk up the Clinton email affair to politics as usual; to them, it’ll be just another political tempest in a teapot.

Prosecutor # 1:  That’s right.  We aren’t gonna fall on our swords just to make a point.  No way.  When it comes to powerful politicians, particularly one running for President of the United States, there is a certain elasticity as far as equal justice under the law is concerned.  And that elasticity becomes more flexible when a strong sense of self-preservation is involved, which in this case happens to be the preservation of our jobs.

(The prosecutors burst into laughter at the overweening wisdom of that remark, making the fly on the wall flutter his wings slightly.)

Prosecutor # 2: We are lucky the public is distracted by Donald Trump.  The leaders in his own party believe he is radioactive.  The GOP is so obsessed with him, they are paying little attention to the government’s investigation into the Clinton emails or anything else for that matter.

Prosecutor # 3: God bless Bernie Sanders.  He decided to give Clinton a pass on her emails, which, in turn, reduced the heat on us to actually do something about it.  If he would have attacked her, as any candidate in his right mind would have done, the mainstream media would be crying “cover-up” already.

Prosecutor # 1: Yes, we have been blessed, but that can change once the Republican nominee is selected.  Full attention will turn to Clinton, who has the nomination wrapped up.

Prosecutor # 2: Well that’s why the Attorney General gets paid the big bucks.  She will be under fire, big time, at that point.  President Obama will simply hide behind her skirt, which he is quite adept at doing.  Remember our former boss, Eric Holder.  He was a master at running interference for the White House.  Lynch is cut from the same cloth, only she’s way more convincing than Holder ever was.

Prosecutor # 3: When questioned about the Clinton investigation, she repeats over and over again that she can’t comment on an ongoing investigation and that she is certain career prosecutors in the Justice Department — meaning us — will follow the evidence wherever it leads.  She swats off questions about Clinton like she is swatting away flies.  (The fly on the wall shook his antennas when he heard this scary expression, but the Prosecutors didn’t notice.)

Prosecutor # 1: We already know where the evidence leads.  It leads nowhere no matter how compelling it may be and that’s where it will remain.  It not our fault that the FBI doesn’t get it.

Prosecutor # 2: What’s troubling me is the number of leaks from FBI insiders to the press.  We took the precaution of having all FBI investigators on the Clinton case sign a non-disclosure agreements.  Yet there have been a number of disturbing leaks to the media.  The information being leaked is spot on and could only have come from someone inside the FBI who is familiar with the case.

Prosecutor # 3:  We are trying to track down the source of the leaks and when we find out who is responsible, that person or persons will not be as fortunate as Hillary Clinton.  He will be indicted immediately and brought to justice.

Prosecutor # 1: Hear, hear!

Prosecutor # 2: On that cheery note, have one of these H. Upmann Magnum 46 Cuban cigars.

Prosecutor # 3: We only have about seven months to go before the general election.  We can easily run out the clock on the FBI in that amount of time.  After that, Hillary can do the rest.  Our jobs will be secure.  And this scandal will become another Clinton footnote in the dustbin of political history.

At that point, all three Prosecutors light up their cigars with self-satisfied smiles on their faces.  They are well on their way to pulling off one of the most successful cover-ups in U.S. history.

The fly on the wall had heard enough and flew away.  Even though he was a lowly insect, he knew he had more integrity than the three scrofulous cretins, who were busy congratulating each other over their arrogant subversion of justice.

–        LV