Hillary Clinton Deigns to Deliver a Free Speech

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Think of it as a gift.  Hillary Clinton got paid a few hundred thousand a pop for glorified pep talks to Goldman Sachs and other banks and institutions.  The content of her speeches is so precious that it is guarded like gold bars in Fort Knox.  On Thursday night, however, Americans can hear her acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention for free.  You heard right.  She’s doing it for free.  And Hillary won’t shortchange anyone either.  Her speech should run for at least an hour.

Certainly, those firms who ponied up several hundred thousand bucks in the past to hear pearls of wisdom from Hillary must be on to something.  No one in his or her right mind would have coughed up that kind of dough, if it wasn’t worth it.  As far as we know, no one ever asked for the money back.

It is truly a remarkable egalitarian and humanitarian gesture on Hillary’s part to allow the masses free access to one of her golden speeches, especially one which will put her in the history books.  If she delivered her acceptance speech privately, she could have charged well-heeled lobbyists at least a million dollars to hear it.  But that’s not how she rolls.  She is a woman of the people.  To show her generosity, Americans will get to hear her speech free of charge.

Americans love freebies and getting to hear a full-length Clinton speech is one of the biggest prizes in the free-shit galaxy.  It’s like getting pay-for-view free of charge.  It’s like hitting the lottery without having to buy a lottery ticket.

As a bonus, Americans got to hear her husband, Bill Clinton, make a free speech at the convention as a prelude to his wife’s big night.  In dollar terms, Bill’s speeches are actually more valuable than Hillary’s since he got paid up to three-quarters of a million dollars a pop in the past for his spellbinding orations to private audiences.  To hear Bill tell it, Hillary has selflessly dedicated her life to change the lives of the disadvantaged for the better.  Anyone who impugns her motives or her character is living in a cartoonish parallel universe.  To illustrate the point, his wife will give a priceless acceptance speech to conventioneers and a national viewing audience without charging them one red cent.  It doesn’t get more munificent than that and proves that Hillary is an unselfish public servant who could care less about making a venal dollar off her celebrity or her perceived political connections.

No other politicians have demonstrated their worth like the Hillary Clinton and her husband.  On a cost-per-word basis, no one on the planet comes close to the Clintons.  Just ask those who paid big bucks for the privilege to hear them speak.

And it gets better.  You can hear Hillary’s mesmerizing speeches for four years or more, if you elect her president.  To hear her Inaugural Address alone is worth your vote, not to mention her State of the Union speeches every January.

And guess what?  The price for you, valued American voter, is right.  It’s zero.  That’s right — it will cost you absolutely nothing.  All you have to do is cast your vote for Hillary in November.  You don’t even have to donate a penny to the Clinton Foundation to get this special offer.  Just vote for Hillary.  It’s that simple.

And, if that’s not enough, you get two Clintons for the price of one vote.  After she’s elected, you can hear both of them bloviate for free.

It’s an offer Hillary Clinton thinks you can’t refuse.

–        LV

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