I don’t know if this belongs here, but I want to share how I lost my own humanity during the COVID lockdown and got it back.

by ILightMyFartsOnFire

I’m an American in my early 30’s, work in tech and live alone.

When covid kicked off we were told no more office and wfh indefinitely — which I was pretty happy about. I could roll out of bed at my leisure, make my coffee and live a life with less schedule and structure overall. It felt like a much needed vacation. I didn’t have to be anywhere for anyone. I had more free time than ever before. After work I’d smoke a fat bowl (or 5), jerk off to porn, play video games for hours on end with some buddies and scroll through Instagram. At first it was awesome. I was making good cash while being lazy as . One day bled into the next and this became my daily life.

At first I thought it was okay since it was only ‘temporary’— 2 weeks to slow the spread, right? Months and months went by and I was living my own version of Groundhog Day. I closed myself off from almost all human connections and consumed myself with superficial shit 99% of the time. I was a drone on autopilot chasing short term dopamine highs — that next bong rip, that next nut, that next 20 kill game of Warzone. Time was zipping by unnoticed.

My personality seemed to vanish and I lost all sense of direction and purpose — I was an empty vessel. I honestly couldn’t “feel” anything anymore. When this dawned on me I felt a sudden and overwhelming sense of anxiety.

I started to wonder when this covid thing would ever end. I looked around for answers and ended up here. I started looking into it all and noticed how the survival rate is 99.95%. I was wasting my life for something that wasn’t even that deadly!! Would this be my life for years or even…forever? I lived in California and could see that Gavin was not going to stop with the lockdowns (as I write this many places are on INDEFINITE lockdown.)

A few of my friends and I decided to go camping but even campsites were closed. Luckily we discovered BLM land (bureau of land management), where land is always open for camping. We drove way out into the desert where we stayed for 3 nights and decided to do mushrooms on the second night. This helped me go through my own “great reset.”

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My ego-powered blinders came off. We discussed how the world was changing and there wasn’t really an end in sight. We talked about how we were losing our own self sovereignty and power when consumed by screens, news stories and those short term dopamine highs 24/7. We talked about the hard truths of where we were going with our lives. I remember proclaiming “I am a lazy piece of shit!” It hurt but also felt so good. It became glaringly apparent that staying home and doing these meaningless things everyday was a much bigger risk than getting COVID-19. That night I decided to change my life.

Fast forward to today and I am living in South America where I reunited with my loving girlfriend from before COVID. I haven’t smoked pot, masturbated, watched porn or played video games in two months. I feel ALIVE again. I feel HAPPY AND OPTIMISTIC again.

My 2021 goals are to love and be loved, continue to build a life of financial independence, exercise regularly and explore this beautiful planet that we are so blessed to be on.

The other day I hiked up a snowy mountain in the Andes where I met a few locals who were dirt poor. They invited me into their shack for a warm drink where we sat, talked and laughed for an hour. They were happier than the vast majority of the people I know back home — with much less.

Life is beautiful if you let it be.



Disclaimer: This content does not necessarily represent the views of IWB.


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