U.S.—A sense of dread, terror, and certain doom overcame the nation Friday as Americans suddenly realized that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will probably win the presidency once she’s eligible in 2024.
“Oh—oh no,” one man said while driving home from work Friday evening, pulling off the road to regain his composure. “With her rapidly growing popularity among the left, the lack of economic and political education among the younger generations, and her social media skills, she’s almost definitely going to be in the Oval Office.”
The man then passed out and had to be revived by a passing Highway Patrol officer.
Thousands of people across the country had the sudden epiphany that there’s a non-zero chance that Ocasio-Cortez completely takes over the Democratic party over the next several years and easily wins the presidency in a post-Trump era.
“We’re doomed,” the nation said in a collective statement after realizing that an economically illiterate representative left of Stalin is probably going to run the country in a few years.
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