WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a recent press conference, Democrats unveiled an aggressive, surefire plan to ensure Trump gets reelected in 2020.
“Every part of this proposal was designed to make us look absolutely insane, making sure that Trump regains the White House in two years,” said one Democratic lawmaker at the unveiling of the bill. “From far-left radical agenda items to scientifically impossible goals and economic suicide, this plan has it all.”
The bill was specifically designed to turn off everyone in the country except the far left. Architects of the proposal were careful to include crazy ideas like eliminating cars and airplanes, replacing or upgrading every building in the country at taxpayer expense, and handing control of the economy over to the already bloated federal government.
“We’re just doing our part to make sure Trump wins again,” said one Democratic senator. “We did everything we could to get him in the White House in 2016, and we’re gonna do it again.”
At publishing time, Democrats across the country had expressed their support for the proposal, stating they were going to “destroy the country to own President Trump.”